DOWNTON ABBEY 403: WHO DESERVES A PUNCH IN THE FACE

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In a surprising twist of fate, Daddy Crowley yet again skips top-billing this week on the list.  This doesn’t mean that I like him, it just means that there are just people who happen to be doing more deplorable things again this week.  This shouldn’t be so shocking considering the rape storyline is still very present.  And, while it doesn’t seem like a lot happened this week at Downton, there are still plenty of people who deserve a punch in the face, so let’s get to the list.

18.  Violet – Still helping Isobel navigate the post-Matthew world.  Nothing wrong with that at all.

17.  Jack Ross – Handsome singer who saves the day.  If only your singing voice had been a littler better…

16.  Mary – For a girl who used to be super bitchy, you have certainly changed.  You are kind to Anna and Tom and you are able to keep your head on straight when it comes to Lord Gillingham’s proposal.  Also, you win the prize for best line of the week.

15.  Isobel – I am glad to see that you can put your grief aside for Mary’s sake and that you are starting to find your way in the world again.  I hope this week was a turning point for you.

14.  Carson and Mrs. Hughes – Carson had a pretty uneventful and unremarkable week, but Mrs. Hughes has become Downton’s resident therapist.  Is there a problem she can’t solve?

13. Rose – Oh Rose, I wish you could get a storyline that didn’t involve you being a love-crazed girl with poor taste in suitors.  I am looking forward to some scandals with Mr. Ross though.

12.  Mrs. Patmore – I don’t know how you can keep your head on straight with all the teenage-love happening in your kitchen.  You keep giving good advice to Daisy though, let’s hope some day she actually takes it.

11.  Cora Crowley – Please stop throwing your grief-stricken daughter at men.  It’s just pathetic.

10.  Thomas – You were your usual self this episode.  I am a bit concerned about your choice of lady’s maid though.  Who is it that you are recommending?  I can’t imagine that it will be good.

9.  Lord Gillingham – Oh, I had such high hopes for you and then you go and propose to Mary after 3 days.  You look like a crazed-stalker.  And, your “he’s dead, I’m alive” line was cringe-worthy.  Matthew’s only been dead 6 months.  Maybe don’t go proposing marriage just yet, especially when you are engaged!  I really liked you and now it appears that you are out of the Downton circle.

8.  Daisy, Ivy, Alfred, and Jimmy – Daisy, when did you turn into such a mean girl and how are you still wrapped up on this Alfred thing?  For my sanity’s sake, I need you to get over it (that goes for you too, Alfred).  This storyline is sooo boring and overplayed.

7.  Edith and Gregson – I think it is clear how I feel about this particular relationship, so I won’t rehash.  But, hello, Edith…you don’t sign papers that you don’t read!!  What have you gotten yourself into?

6.  Anna and Bates – Look, I am not about to punch a girl when she is down, so instead Anna will get a strongly-worded talking to.  Seriously?  You are going to kill yourself if you are pregnant?  That is the most absurd thing I have ever heard.  I need you to put on your big girl panties and realize that it isn’t your fault that you were raped.  And, Bates, your wife clearly looks like she was beat up.  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what happened.  This storyline makes me furious.

5.  Robert Crowley – Still doubting Mary, shame.  And, could you even pretend to be a little happy for Edith?  “I don’t dislike him” – I agree with Violet, such a glowing recommendation.  At least you tried to be helpful to Bates.

4.  Aunt Rosamund – I understand times were different back then, but racism definitely deserves a punch in the face.  And, look, I am not completely mad about you yelling at Edith for staying out all night with Gregson (doing you know what), but I feel like it could have been a little more tactful.  Plus, did you really have to throw her past suitors back in her face?

3.  Tom – I’d never thought I would say this, but what the heck is your problem?  You are not entirely to blame for the Edna situation, but you aren’t completely without fault.  If you hadn’t let yourself get so drunk last episode because you were feeling sorry for yourself, then maybe you wouldn’t have found yourself in the predicament you are in.  You are lucky to have Mrs. Hughes to bail you out because you clearly can’t be expected to act like an adult.  Punch.

2.  Mr. Green – You would be #1 again this week, but you were only in 1% of the episode.  Your 1%, however, lands you another punch in the face though due to your smug-ness and overall despicableness.  Oh yeah, and because you are a rapist…I have not forgotten.

1.  Edna – So Edna sneaks into Tom’s room, while he is clearly drunk, and has relations with him.  Then, she attempts to bully him into agreeing to marry her “if she is pregnant,” although she knows she isn’t.  And, if Tom had agreed, it appears she would have grabbed any guy to make sure the deed was actually done.  Gross Edna, just gross.  You get a punch for being a horrible human being and another punch for believing everything that Mrs. Hughes said to you, stupid girl.  It appears that this may be the last we see of Edna, so I would like to offer another punch to the writers of Downton for bringing us a stupid and pointless storyline about a girl that no one cares about or even remembered.

-LJ

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