“Lindsay, stop trying to make your career happen.  It’s not going to happen.” – Regina George.

I have watched a lot of reality TV over the years.  For awhile, I think, I almost exclusively watched reality TV.  And, while I haven’t broken down and watched Honey Boo Boo or Duck Dynasty (no offense to fans of either of those, but I doubt they are reading this blog), I am not ashamed to say that I have kept up with the Kardashians throughout a lot of the years and I have at least watched one season of every Real Housewives show that has existed.  I even watched the CMT show about the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. The list can go on and on.  And, no, I am not embarrassed.  Reality TV has become a phenomenon and while I tend to be more exclusive in what I watch nowadays (as a side note, I honestly do believe that #RichKids of Beverly Hills is destroying humanity as we know it…but I have watched at least one episode), if you decide to put a former TV starlet on the screen and ask me follow her through her day to day life, I am most certainly going to tune in.*

*You better believe I watched the hell out of everything Tori and Dean put on the air.  Not to mention, Newlyweds, Ashlee Simpson’s show, the Bling Ring girls short-lived season, etc.  This is only the tip of the iceberg.

So needless to say, there was no way I was going to miss Lindsay Lohan’s reality TV debut.**  But, as I sat there watching Lindsay for an hour of my life that I will never get back, I couldn’t help but think why the heck is she doing this?  Does she honestly think this is going to help her career?  And, how can a show about Lindsay Lohan be so incredibly BORING?

**I know they are calling it a docu-drama, but it seems more reality based than Hills-esque.  And, if the show is actually being somewhat scripted, then someone needs to lose his/her job.  Like yesterday.

I am not even kidding.  Literally, NOTHING happened in the entire episode.  Here are the highlights:

  • Lindsay reveals that she is pretty much a hoarder and in an non-organized manner goes through her boxes in storage in LA.  Also, it is debatable whether she is actually wearing pants through this segment.
  • Lindsay goes to her mom’s house (where the boxes have been shipped) and goes through the boxes again.
  • Lindsay’s mom can’t remember why a t-shirt saying “Fetch” is actually funny.
  • Lindsay rambles continuously, throwing in key phrases like “integrity,” “inner peace,” and “new chapter.”
  • Lindsay drives around in a black SUV presumably looking at apartments for a period of 2 months and yet still doesn’t have one after the entire episode.
  • Lindsay’s friend tells her “The Canyons” is going to be a cult classic, to which Lindsay responds “cool.”
  • Lindsay complains about having to get a renter’s insurance policy.
  • And, finally, Lindsay forces her assistant to move her into a new hotel room for a change of scenery.

Like I said, NOTHING happens.  The most interesting part of the episode is when Lindsay’s assistant names all of his previous employers.  But, why is this guy always wearing the same exact suit, when all he is doing is sitting in Lindsay’s hotel room day in and day out while she sorts through her jewelry?  (Also, if this is where my thought-train is going during a show about Lindsay Lohan, then seriously this show is capturing no one’s attention).

I don’t want this post to be seen as a hating on Lohan.  Because I honestly would like nothing better than for this girl to succeed (well I might like a million dollars and my own private island more, but you know what I mean).  However, I certainly do not think “Lindsay” is going to put Ms. Lohan on a path to success and redemption though.  This whole show seems like a bad choice for Lindsay personally and professionally and I honestly can’t believe that Oprah is airing this mess.  I expect more Oprah, I expect more.

So, some words of advice Linds, buckle-down, find someone who will give you a chance in an independent movie, and work hard to prove that you can be the actress that we all think you can be.  You aren’t the first starlet to fall and need to pick yourself back up.  Remember, at least you didn’t shave your head.

Best wishes Lindsay, but I am not sure that I will continue keeping up with the Lohans.  Let me know when you have a project that is worth my time.  I will be there with bells on.



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