VEEP 308: DEBATE – BEST ZINGERS (and other great lines)

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Veep was back after Memorial Day weekend hiatus and so are we!  We missed you, hopefully you missed us too.  Veep this week focused on the always exhilarating presidential debate (I say that, rolling my eyes).  But, more importantly than the debate, Selina cut her hair and developed a twitch (I say that, not rolling my eyes).  Also, we learned that Dan survived his breakdown and continues to remain employed by the Veep’s office, although Amy has now taken over campaign manager duties.  Let’s get down to picking the best lines for the week!

**Again, remember, there is likely to be very very colorful language below. You have been warned.

8.  “I never knew you had so much neck. . . I mean that in a good way.  Necks are neat.” – Ben

7.  “You don’t have the facial gravitas for a beard.” – Kent

6.  “Just imagine that is what you will look like when you become a boy.” – Furlong

5.  “I did not need to be cured, Michael.  I diagnosed myself with an acute case of ‘everything’s fine.'” – Dan (personally, I liked the beard)

4.  “People don’t elect elves ok, they put them to work in grottos or they get them drunk at frat parties so they can toss them.” – Mike

3.  “Go f*ck yourself Jack in the Giant Fruitstalk.” – Dan

2.  “What is it with you guys? It’s like flirting but sexless.” – Catherine

1.  “Of course I don’t f*cking like it, Gary.  It’s the worst use of scissors since failed my vasectomy.” – Mike

-LJ

VEEP 307: SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP – BEST ZINGERS (and other great lines)

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Veep was in London this week.  Selina sure is making the rounds.  In London, she managed to chug a beer, wear a huge hat, and, of course, get brutally mocked by the British press.  The most exciting turn of events, however, occurred when Dan had a nervous breakdown and got himself fired as the Veep’s campaign manager.  Well played Amy.  Here are my favorite lines from this week.

*As you should recognize by now, there will be colorful language below.

8.  “Her neck is like stretched cheese.” – Gary

7.  “I would like to shoot him, but there are no f*cking guns in this country.” – Amy

6.  “We are running some reverse My Fair Lady sh*t here.  We are showing she is a regular gal.” – Dan

5.  “Ray’s talking. . . . It’s like watching a goat trying to use an ATM.” – Ben

4.  “Wasn’t it Oscar Wilde who said, Dan is a f*cking terrible campaign manager?” – Mike

3.  “Jonah Bond.  Double-o f*ck off.” – Amy

2.  “The emu has landed.  Jonah’s in London.” – Kent

1.  “I need to be driven to the airport at Diana speed.  Just more carefully though please.” – Veep

-LJ

PS.  Here is your deleted scene from this week.

VEEP 306: DETROIT – BEST ZINGERS (and other great lines)

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In this week’s episode, I think that it became pretty clear that as bad as Selina is at being Vice President, she is even worse at running for president.  Add that horrible ex-Prime Minister from Finland and I think it’s not hard to see how much of a disaster Selina’s life has become.  Enough about the plot, let’s get to the best lines of the week.  (Obviously, I had a hard time picking).

*Again, colorful language will likely appear below.  Actually, it will most certainly appear below.

9.  “Where do you get your news from a guy on a horse?” – Amy

8.  “I wrote an entire sound bite and had the entire crowd in tears, even the police horses.” – Ben

7.  “In your country, people f*ck snow and I hope you understand that I say that with the utmost respect.” – Veep

6.  “I want Selina’s job announcement on every network. I want to hear the discovery channel say we interrupt these sharks.” – Dan

5.  “Yes you are going to a f*cking gun show, even if I have to put a gun to your f*cking head.” – Veep (great parenting Selina)

4.  “Mike, why would you send me this sh*t? You might as well have just sat on the f*cking keyboard and sent me that.” – Dan (slightly stressed at being campaign manager, I think).

3.  “The entourage is getting way too big.  We are only days away from an omelette chef and a piano tuner.” – Amy

2.  “This is really nice, working together as a family. I actually enjoyed the gun show.  Once I got used to all the regular people and how fat they were I really enjoyed it.” – Catherine

1.  “Jonah, come here. You know, sometimes I feel like there’s a nine-year-old boy inside you operating the levers.” – Mike

And, finally, let’s pause and reflect upon how awesome this shirt is.  Where do I get one?  You go Catherine.

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-LJ

PS.  I am going to try and start adding the deleted scenes from each episode, assuming HBO continues to make them available.  If you go back and look at previous Veep posts, the deleted scenes should now be added to those as well.

 

VEEP 305: FISHING – BEST ZINGERS (and other great lines)

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I am cutting it close this week with a posting about last Sunday’s Veep episode.  Apologies to “Put You Hangs Together” (if you listen to Doug Benson’s podcast then you will get the reference, if you don’t, then reevaluate some things).  Anyways, without further ado, here are last week’s best quotes (as expertly rated by myself).  Not surprisingly, Jonah wins again!

*Insert warning about colorful language below.

6.  “Passoword…mother_f*cker.” – Dan

5.  “How much would I love to speak my mind on this campaign?  Can you imagine if I did that?  Mississippi is chock-full of assholes.  I don’t trust the Chinese.  I gotta tell you something…I’m not gonna be able to pass a single piece of legislation that’s really gonna make any f*ck of difference in your life.” – Veep

4.  “People like Maddox always have guns on the walls next to the animal heads.  It’s like a flowchart for people who don’t know what firearms do.”  – Veep

3.  “Watching you try to be nice is like watching a baby smoke a cigarette.  It’s kind of cool, but also very disturbing.” – Mike

2.  “I’d rather be shot in the f*cking face than serve as vice president again.” – Veep

1.  “People like me, people hire me, people date me, and people f*ck me because I’m triple-A f*ckin’ awesome.” – Jonah

-LJ

PS.  Here is the deleted scene from this episode.  It is pretty great.

VEEP 304: CLOVIS – BEST ZINGERS (and other great lines)

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Selina was in Silicon Valley this week, I suppose to raise money (although I am not exactly positive about that).  She spent most of the episode fumbling around Clovis, a Google-like internet company headed by a young d-bag (shocking).  The only thing that would have made this episode better would have been some sort of crossover event with the guys that actually star on HBO’s new comedy Silicon Valley, which airs right before Veep each week.  Oh well.  Let’s get to the best part of the show…the one-liners.

Again, you have been warned, there is colorful language below.

8.  “Jonah get off then line and then the planet.” – Sue

7.  “Gary what are you doing? You look like a newborn giraffe.” – Veep

6.  “F*ck you Kent Davidson!  F*ck you Mrs. Gravestone from the third grade.  F*ck you stepdad one and stepdad three!” – Jonah

5.  “She was like a beached whale, with one flipper f*cking around in the air, and you were no where to push her back in the sea.” – Amy

4.  “She said we’d see Craig momentarily and our withdrawal from Afghanistan has been more momentarily than this.” – Amy

3.  “You know, they say all babies are cute, but whoever ‘they’ are should be stuck in a stroller and pushed into traffic.” – Amy

2.  “I know you’re walking around here like you’re C-3PO with a big, brass, shiny erection, but I got news for you.  This is kindergarten for cyberbrats.” – Veep

1.  “You take that chicken soup, and you shove it up your soul.” – Jonah

-LJ

PS.  Here is deleted scene from this episode.  You’re welcome.

VEEP 303: ALICIA – BEST ZINGERS (and other great lines)

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I could not be more excited about another season of Veep, especially if we continue to get such great writing as we have in season 3.  Last week, Veep tackled the tough issue of abortion.  This week, we get the issue of universal child care.  We also get some amazing lines.  Selina was on fire.

Insert same general warning about strong language below.

6.  “This rewrite kicks balls and ass.” – Veep

5.  “She sounds uncomfortable, like she is with a member of the public.” – Sue

4.  “What in the wide world of f*ck do you think you’re wearing?” – Veep

3.  “I want to tell real stories about real people. Ok.  I’m like Jon Steinbeck in that regard. Ya know, or like Denzel Washington.” – Jonah

2.  “What’s wrong, you look like you killed a hooker.” – Alicia

1.  “What were you bobbleheads doing while I was just getting ear-fucked by Father Time.” – Veep

-LJ

PS.  Here is the deleted scene from this episode.  “Jonad, Jonad, Jonad.”  That should be enough to make you want to watch.

 

VEEP & SILICON VALLEY UPDATES: HBO RENEWS BOTH COMEDIES

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Today HBO announced that both Veep and Silicon Valley will be getting more seasons.  Veep will be back with its fourth season next year, whereas the new comedy Silicon Valley has been picked for a second season.

Veep was created by Armando Iannucci and stars Julia Louis-Dreyfus as vice president Selina Meyer, with a heart of gold (well that might be debatable) and a mouth like a sailor.  Veep’s third season premiered on April 6.  Dreyfus and Tony Hale both took home Emmys for their performances last year.  Personally, I think season 3 is the best season of Veep yet.

Mike Judge, from Office Space and Beavis & Butt-head, is responsible for Silicon Valley.  Silicon Valley also premiered on April 6 and stars Thomas Middleditch, T.J. Miller, Zach Woods, Kumail Nanjiani, Martin Starr, Josh Brener, Amanda Crew, and the late Christopher Evan Welch.  If you haven’t watched Silicon Valley, you should definitely check it out.  It’s pretty funny, even if you don’t know what a compression algorithm is (trust me, I still have no freakin clue).

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-LJ